Remind yourselves that you are becoming one unit...

The Promotion and Equality of Your Marriage

How do your future in-laws and friends relate to you and your fiance?
Do people view you and your fiance as "equals" in your relationship?
Do they want you to be equals?

If not, ask them why not and on what basis they do not accept you as equals. Listen carefully and prayerfully. Explain to your friends and family that you are equals and that you will require them to communicate respectfully and lovingly to both of you. Remind them that you are becoming one unit very soon and that when they disrespect, ignore or criticize your fiance, that they are doing the same thing to you.

Remind yourselves that you are becoming one unit and when one part of the unit is hurting, the rest of the unit hurts or is affected. Let people know what kind of behavior you will and will not accept. It is up to you to draw the line with your family, not the incoming fiance or spouse.

You must explain to people that if they refuse to view and treat the two of you as equals, then you will have no choice but to say goodbye to them until they are willing to accept your choices. This is not easy. It is quite painful. Most people will be shocked at your choice, but it will let them know that you mean business. Many family members and friends have a hard time "letting go" and having to give up control of how they used to do things, especially if the engaged couple is older and has been single for a long time.

If you are struggling as to whether or not you will say goodbye to some, and to how much longer you or your fiance want to keep going through the pain, here are some questions to ask yourselves, keeping in mind who can do the best job for you, your family or your spouse / fiance. These questions can also work for a married couple. How many married couples do you know who have these issues? You are not alone!

Who is going to help you:

Pay the bills?
Clean the house?
Cook?
Take care of me when I am sick?
Do laundry?
Run for groceries?
Raise the children?
Fulfill me sexually?

If your fiance or spouse is going to do a better job at these things than your family or friends, then you should not have too hard of a decision to make. If your friends / family will do a better job than your fiance will, then maybe you should re-think your wedding plans.

If all of your friends and relatives are having difficulty accepting you as a couple and can present a good basis as to why they do not view you as equals, then, maybe you should listen more carefully than you did before.

Just know that sometimes the views of friends, family and extended family do not manifest until after you are married. Sometimes you get blind-sided and never saw such treatment coming. Their criticisms of your marriage should never be made into an open or public discussion, especially over the internet whether through email, texting, facebook, twitter or any social media.

If people are concerned for your relationship, they should approach the couple together privately. Speaking in person is best, but sometimes not possible, especially in a long distance relationship. If long distance, then the concerned people should at least do a 3-way phone conversation with the couple.